People are not one-uping you, they are showing camaraderie. amirite?

True af. Most people who do this are just trying t bond and share similar experiences to find common ground. Most people are not conniving and they are just looking for connection

by Anonymous 1 week ago

To me, sharing a similar experience shows that you're listening.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I do this a lot. I do it to relate to the other person. To show I have some understanding of their situation. Since all the complaining I have heard (not personal feedback I have recieved), I have become more hesitant about doing this.

by Gleichnerrene 1 week ago

Thank you

by Gleichnerrene 1 week ago

Some people are simply sharing a similar story and some people are one-upping.

by manleyreilly 1 week ago

This is true. There are very obvious verbal clues. Did the person say "oh yeah, that is so cool, I had something similar happen when..." or did they say "that's nothing, wait till you hear what happened to me..." There are people who are excited to share and there are people who want to overshadow. The difference should be obvious, but as someone who loves to share stories, I have learned that some people don't know the difference.

by Effertzclevelan 1 week ago

And even if they aren't trying to one-up, there are times when it can simply be inappropriate to insert a story about themselves into the conversation.

by manleyreilly 1 week ago

If their intention isn't to "one up" and you take it as such -- that's on you.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Ok? I never said anything to the contrary.

by manleyreilly 1 week ago

And even if they aren't trying to one-up, there are times when it can simply be inappropriate You literally just did.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Oh yeah? Well you wouldn't BELIEVE the time I went cherrypicking, it was amazing and mine were way better than that guy's cherries

by Substantial-Carry-96 1 week ago

And unless you know them well enough to assume it's the latter, it's really hurtful to automatically assume.

by jamalheathcote 1 week ago

Assume is not the word I would use in such a scenario; you can have an impression of someone based on their behavior, and I don't think it's hurtful to simply have a certain impression of someone based on their behavior even if that impression is a negative one. How is it hurtful to simply assume something about someone based on their behavior?

by manleyreilly 1 week ago

Completely agree. I see it as a way to establish common ground TBH. People are so individualistic nowadays 🥴

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I too also agree personally with what I heard you say to me. I think that people other than myself are too individualistic for my personal liking.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

The problem is everyone wants to be the main character and can't handle not having a unique experience 🤷🏻‍♀️

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Depends, had one guy who was friends or a friend who used to just one up your story. We realised and planned at one party to just make it ridiculous just to see how far he would lie. He just kept one upping everyone, so once I stayed up about 32 hours gaming, well I was little fry because he did 43 hours because he was playing Warcraft at the time. And on and on, he just kept one upping every crazy story we said.

by Calm-Mission-564 1 week ago

I agree, but this type of conversation is really common in the Neurodivergent community, which me and most of my friends belong to so we just all do this back and forth and there's no issue. What you're describing is correct, most of these moments are totally innocent and people who get offended by it are giant babies. But I exist in a society, so when I'm having a conversation with people who I think are gonna be giant babies if I talk the way I'm comfortable with talking, I just grin and bear it, smile and nod and get out of the conversation as soon as possible. They think I'm polite and normal, and I don't hate myself for being misunderstood. It's exhausting but it keeps things running smooth.

by Jan26 1 week ago

This. This. This. My dad always calls me and my mother "narcissistic" because we will tell a story related to his when he's done talking. He doesn't get that we are sharing an experience to show he's either not alone or we understand an aspect of what he's going through (ie not alone). Now I just go "ah got it. Yep. Ok. Cool. grin slightly and walk away to talk to my mother.

by FutureEgg6295 1 week ago

They're immediately assuming we act in a neurotypical way and assigning a meaning to interactions that we don't mean. Maybe they aren't babies, but they're definitely assholes.

by jamalheathcote 1 week ago

I agree. I feel like the aversion to this, and shaming people for sharing in this manner and accusing people of "‘making it about them" is an internet thing. I only heard of it being a problem in the past couple years.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I've seen it in real life. I worked in the service industry while being neurodivergent and introverted and a lot of people just want you to listen to them and agree and get mad when you add your story for comraderie or give advice to fix their issues.

by Awkward_Source 1 week ago

So they just want to monologue at people? That seems really main-charactery and self centered. How is anyone supposed to know that's what they want, I wonder? Well, unless they preface it with "I just need to vent" or something. In that case, the aim is clear. If someone talks to me, I assume they want a conversation, not just to talk "at" me. People who want to monologue should just get a diary.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I notice that I do this frequently, just trying to relate and show understanding.

by caroleking 1 week ago

Haha. I do that.

by Laviniarempel 1 week ago

Hard agree. Never got these complaints unless the person is literally going "nah that thing you experienced is so lame and insignificant, this thing I went through is so much more impressive".

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I think it's how you share the story right? I realized for a minute some people were really taking offense when I would mention my story as similar to someone else's. Even if it was so. I realized it was because when I shared that story all I did was share my story as the response. I didn't explain why that story had value to what my friend said or explain why it made sense as to why aid even bring it up for them. Because for some it does feel like that. I really noticed I was doing it though because I would notice when people did it to me. And I didn't like it. So I just started sharing my story in a different way. In REFERENCE to their story they just shared. Instead of making my entire example just me me me. I use words like you might relate to how I felt when I experience something similar as well. I remember that I did this and it kind of worked out. When you were doing x y z I noticed _____, maybe that could work". I always make sure to tie it back. If I just leave on the note of shifting the conversation to myself, yeah I could see how that seems like I'm overshadowing someone. Or trying to. Even if that is never my intention. I have to understand the social cues and boundaries. I think a lot of times people expect others to just know why their story relates to what problem was just expressed in the current moment. But we don't all have the same perceptions. I think it's just about making that next step which is the connection piece for some.

by TraditionalLake5436 1 week ago

This is definitely true some of the time but it does come off as them making it about themselves. Sometimes people just wanna tell a story and have people respond about it rather than having a followup story that takes the focus off them. I get their frustration. It makes them feel unimportant.

by CoupleWorried 1 week ago

I'm neurodivergent and I think the majority of ND folks do this. I don't understand how NTs can supposedly be the "experts" on body language, etc but can't tell the difference in trying to relate vs trying to one-up. I mean, it's not that freaking hard to tell based on the person's overall vibes. I've noticed that a lot of NTs get overly fixated on what type of communication they use for certain levels of acquaintanceship and get easily offended about someone overstepping their TOTALLY UNSPOKEN boundaries. I'm sorry but talking to some types of people is just too much work. I don't have the mental energy to try to figure out the special "code" involved to speak with every single person I meet.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I do this, it is genuinely me attempting to make a connection, and I've been met with a lot of backlash for it from people thinking I'm trying to make things about me :(

by Schuppecarli 1 week ago

CAMARADERIE

by Equal-Maintenance 1 week ago

That's crazy I was once Tig welding and burned off three pinkie toes

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Maybe this is true, but even if it is, it's still in very poor taste to knowingly (even unintentionally) put yourself above someone else by immediately following their story with a "better" story. If you're about to follow up a story with your own, there's nothing wrong with NOT telling yours if it's going to belittle the other person.

by Cormiermaudie 1 week ago

I see it more as if you are so insecure that someone telling a similar story to yours hurts your feelings then you should work on yourself before you say anything that could be relatable.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

There is no one-upping. People do enjoy sharing about themselves and sharing similar experiences IS a way people bond. If you were emotionally mature enough then you would be able to tell the difference between genuine human connection and one-upping.

by emayert 1 week ago

This!! Now I overthink everything and won't share because I don't want people thinking I'm trying to one up them or trying to get attention. The only problem with that is then if you don't say anything you're stuck up. 🙃

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I'm neurodivergent and I get so upset when people accuse me of trying to one-up them; sharing stories is my way of establishing community! It feels so much more compassionate to remind someone they aren't alone than to just make mechanical sympathetic noises the way so many neurotypicals seem to want. It's just so tiring. I try to reach out and get shat on; then I don't reach out and get shat on for being 'weird.' Neurodivergents can't win.

by jamalheathcote 1 week ago

The thing is this specific person cuts me off to tell their story, doesn't let me finish when they're done, then carry's on into a different conversation with satisfaction because they got to tell their story and that's all that matters

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Oh yeah? Well I'm showing double comeradery!

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This. I mention my experiences in an effort to relate to you. Not one-up or beat you.

by National-Tap 1 week ago

Needs context, sometimes you can tell they are trying to brag, so if you try to give similar story, you are clearly trying to one-up them or put them down.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This!!!! I had this one friend where for a hot min she'd have this pissed off look on her face if I even just reacted to whatever she was telling me. Like a shocked "no way!" Or "Oh my god seriously!?!?" Or "That's insane why would someone do that???" I wasn't even trying to tell a story or trying to cut her off. It's like she just wanted to talk to a brick wall.

by No-Guide-5374 1 week ago