Having your own children is selfish, amirite?

I'm adopted. No, you should not just adopt kids instead of having your own. Adoption is a whole nother ordeal. You're taking in a child that, by definition, has gone through trauma. I think it's a lot more difficult and a lot more trauma for a family. Do what you feel is right and what you're comfortable with. It'll be better for you and your kids.

by Rempelephraim 4 months ago

Exactly. Trying to shame people into adopting, rather than having their own kids, isn't necessarily doing the adopted kid a favor, if the adopting parents aren't prepared and able to deal with the pre-existing trama that some of these kids have suffered.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Also, plenty of people are open to the idea of adopting, but aren't going to pass the assessments. Rightly, it's a high bar and not just anyone can pick up a child like they're at the shop.

by Obvious_Campaign 4 months ago

It's selfish to eat more than you need because other people are starving. It's selfish to spend money on frivolous things because other people are poor. I could go on but I think the point is made. If that's your opinion, everyone is selfish in some way.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Sorry, but if I eat another serving of food, that makes me selfish bc other people are starving in the world?Should I not eat more than what they consume? I'm confused at your logic.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

This is true. You taking another plate isn't taking anyone's food away. Selfish would be having a second plate litterally next to a starving person asking for scraps and saying no you can't have any.

by SlideOtherwise6903 4 months ago

exactly. I think people are using the word selfish a bit too loosely.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Obviously it's selfish. Most of the things we do are selfish

by irving44 3 months ago

There are waiting lists of many years for adoptable infants and extreme expense involved. You coworker is delusional on every level.

by arnulfovandervo 3 months ago

I could see that point being argued, that coworker also did say that they didn't ever want to have kids either…

by Anonymous 3 months ago

Yes. That's why we have them.

by Happy_Fall 3 months ago

I've noticed it's almost always staunchly childfree people who advocate for adoption. I'm not sure why but it's an interesting correlation. I think because they don't want a child anyway so they aren't as invested in the biological bond but I'm curious to hear what other people think.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

not really… No one is obligated to adopt over having their own children. I disagree with your coworker. What is selfish though, is to birth children when you can't afford to raise them properly. What's selfish is bringing children in the world only to pass on generational trauma onto them that they later have to go to therapy for or probably learn to live with it for the remainder of their lives.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

Ist's selfish but your whole evolutionary purpose is to spread your genes. And being selfish isn't automaticly a bad thing.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

I will agree with your cowoker when they start paying for every adoption on Earth.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

Having children in an environment that isn't good for them and you are not in the proper position is selfish. Put the blame where it belongs.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

Plenty of people who have their own kids would never be allowed to adopt.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

You talk about children like they are pets. Adopting is harder than having your own. Many people find even raising their own is hard.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

This is kind of the root of anti-natalism. It gets a lot of flack because it's widely misunderstood as hating kids, but I think it ultimately boils down to empathy. The other major point is that suffering is a guarantee in life, so it's sorta seen as a dick move to create a person who you know will suffer

by Anonymous 3 months ago

He's wrong in my opinion, having your own child is a normal act while adopting a child is the extraordinary act

by Wide_Machine 3 months ago

I would question your co-worker's experience of being a parent. Having a child by blood or adopting, because there are things that only parents will understand and here, he sounds like he just sees kids as nothing more than pets and a lack of perspective with caring for a being made from his own DNA paired with the DNA of someone he loves. He's almost making the same arguments that some people make about adopting dogs from the shelter instead of buying them from breeders.

by Otherwise-Cow8396 3 months ago

Different take: Having children you cannot sustain yourself is selfish. I feel sorry for children who's parents were goddamn awful human beings. Those parents should be hung, drawn and quartered.

by SlideOtherwise6903 3 months ago

Some people are just miserable inside and want to bitch, and are plain stupid. This perfectly describes your co worker.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

If I was able to adopt I would've. BUT they add ableist guidelines to the adoption paperwork.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

not wanting to have children isn't selfish though.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

Everything we do is selfish we don't do things for others we do it for us. Even when we help people we do it because it makes us feel good. We got friends so we have a support group. I mean every one does things for them selfs nothing wrong with it that's just how we are. We eat other animals to live. We play video games because we want to. Life is about self interest.

by Prize-Heart 3 months ago

I don't think it's that black and white though. How does me not wanting kids make me selfish when those kids aren't even born yet?

by Anonymous 3 months ago

My point is that it's a choice you made out of your own self interest. If you decide not to have kids because someone told you that would not be selfish because it's not a choice you made. You are looking at being selfish as negative I think it's a good thing it means you have an ego and have self worth.

by Prize-Heart 3 months ago

Just as long as you respect other peoples freedoms if you don't then that's a bad thing.

by Prize-Heart 3 months ago

I agree it's selfish, which is why the most important thing is appreciating that fact when you do it, and making sure that you're in the best position you can be in to care for the child that never asked to be born.

by NefariousnessDue 3 months ago

Having an unloved child only out of some sort of societal pressure is selfish, but if you love the kid then it's all groovy.

by Anonymous 3 months ago

There are many reasons someone might put a child up for adoption. Assuming it's always because of irresponsibility isn't the way to go.

by Anonymous 3 months ago