+31 Relationships are meaningful actually. amirite?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I'm not so sure about that, given the amount of people that turn into a sad mess after a break-up. Apparently, that's okay, but being sad about being alone for the rest of one's life is not justifiable.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

People turn into a sad mess after a breakup because they're grieving what they lost. If they were sad about the sheer prospect of being single, then people wouldn't break up in the first place.

by gutkowskixzavie 2 months ago

If they can handle being single, then they wouldn't complain about it. Apparently, being sad about a break-up is more justifiable than being single for the rest of your days. When you're single forever, it's your fault. When people are single temporarily they deserve sympathy and attention.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

You never lost anything if you're single forever. When you break up with someone, you lose a relationship you are invested in. Plenty of people can handle being single again. I was single for 2 years before my current relationship, and I was certainly happier single than I was in my previous relationship. With respect, your lack of human experience with relationships shows, and you clearly haven't developed an understanding of what people in and out of relationships think and feel. This mindset you have isn't conducive to making you happy. If/when you do find a relationship, you will realise that it isn't as simple as you're making out to be.

by gutkowskixzavie 2 months ago

Really RELATIONSHIP. This is INCREDIBLY popular. Like 99% of people would agree.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I think you're being very narrow in your view of a "relationship". Relationships have many forms, your family relationships, your friend relationships, romantic, workmates etc. Realistically those who are very happy outside of a romantic relationship have strong relationships elsewhere, leading to a fulfilling life. Your focus on romantic relationships tells me you are putting too much importance on it to make you happy. If you don't have a happy life without a romantic relationship, it is unlikely you will be happy within a romantic relationship. And besides, being happy, pro-active and positive about your life is how you attract someone in the first place anyway. Focus on improving your life for you.

by Anxious_Horse5617 2 months ago

I didn't say exclude and "work on themselves", I said relationships take many forms and many people find fulfilling lives without a relationship. Improving your life means improving those other relationship aspects. If you put too much emphasis on a romantic relationship to make yourself happy, it WILL destroy that relationship. An airplane cannot take off if it is weighed down too much by baggage.

by Anxious_Horse5617 2 months ago

many people find fulfilling lives without a relationship Without any whatsoever until their death?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

That is rare, but it does happen, like Nuns and Monks for example. But most likely, if you have a largely happy and fulfilling life, you will find a relationship, that's how it works. I'm saying you have it the wrong way round. You think "if I get a relationship then I'll have a happy life ", I'm saying in real life it works as "if I have a happy life, then I'll get a relationship".

by Anxious_Horse5617 2 months ago

I mentioned friendships as well. Good luck when everyone else is busy with their partner and/or children. Opposite sex friendships especially become virtually impossible. The amount of women who have told me their boyfriend is mad about me existing in their life I could count on more than one hand. Also the whole "relationships won't make you happy" and all that is easy to say when forming that is easy to begin with, which it is for the vast majority of the population. It's like the whole "self-improvement" thing. I have to be the best person ever, meanwhile the abusive alcoholic gets by fine with no effort on improving themselves.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I'm telling you, if you go into a romantic relationship thinking "this will now make me happy" it will eventually destroy the relationship and leave your heart broken. You HAVE to build a happy life for yourself regardless of romantic relationships, whatever that looks like for you.

by Anxious_Horse5617 2 months ago

And as I said good luck with that when the vast majority of people center most of their lives around their romantic relationships. If you're the only single person in a group of couples, you're not getting much attention from your friends (because people can't seem to spend free time without their partner), which logically, would make you less happy.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Yes, but how do you get a woman to want to share a life with you? By having a mostly happy and positive life in the first place (which you have to build). As I said in other replies, you have it the wrong way round

by Anxious_Horse5617 2 months ago

So why do the overly depressed or abusive boyfriends don't have to follow these supposed rules?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

In my experience, abusive men are not very often "depressed". There are no firm "rules" in life, however I stand by my advice.

by Anxious_Horse5617 2 months ago

Do you really want someone to stay with you only because they are too terrified or worn down to leave?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

That's not the point.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

If it weren't easy, it wouldn't be something like 95% of people do in their mid teens. Most people have their first date around 15-16. They're getting alone fine in the sense entering a relationship is easy for them. No "self-improvement" is needed. Their partner just likes them as is.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Just because it is something a lot of people do doesn't make it easy. Most humans also work gruelling jobs, take care of themselves, and form hobbies. These aren't easily effortless things to do, but we all do them because they're worth it. I promise you, the majority of people aren't falling into dates and tripping into their happiness. They're putting in the effort and building it for themselves. Their partner probably does "like them as is," but that's because they built a version of themselves people like. None of my previous partners would have liked me if I was rude, had bad hygiene, didn't take care of myself and lacked any real hobbies. But I built myself up as someone worthy of attention and time, and then I pursed them. The majority of people do this. Do you genuinely believe that most people have zero issues with relationships? They can just effortlessly form them without any effort?

by gutkowskixzavie 2 months ago

Yeah that's why 12 year olds date. I'm sure it took so much effort and time to be a well-rounded person at 12. It's why I see women complaining their boyfriend doesn't get a job. They must be putting effort in other places right? With forming them, yes. Relationships are treated almost as normal a part of life as eating. Which is why it's often assumed everyone does it. But the fact is, some people are just garbage, it's some impossible to describe way. For anything you can point out about someone's lifestyle or mindset preventing them, there is someone who has or does that and is just fine. If someone can beat a woman and still attract them fine, then being "worthy" has no relevance.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I think I'm about done here. I just can't imagine having an entire worldview based around the jealousy you feel when seeing other people succeed in their relationships. This mindset is what is holding you back. You can blame it on the unfairness of the world all you want. Say everyone else has an easier time than you and do all these things without effort, but all you're really doing is proving why no one wants to form relationships with you. We're all having a tough time with this. That's my last word on it. Please change your mindset.

by gutkowskixzavie 2 months ago

That's where you are a bit wrong. Having a partner doesn't mean they like you, support you, or are even nice to you. The guy giving you advice about focusing on hobbies and friendships is seriously giving you the best advice. Find online communities if you have to with people that share your interests. Friends really are the relationships that sustain you and bonus, being involved in things you enjoy makes it more likely you will find a partner you enjoy being with

by Anonymous 2 months ago

The abusive alcoholic is not happy and the people in relationships with them are miserable. What you want is a happy and fulfilling relationship. Not just a person in your life.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

The point is, they don't need to self improve in the slightest, meaning there's different standards. I have to self-improve and be the best I can be, but they can sit on their ass and get by.

by Anonymous 2 months ago