Viewing relationships as temporary is toxic, amirite?

You can leave a relationship whenever you want to though. That is part of it.

by Livid-Pilot 4 days ago

You can always leave a relationship but there is a difference between assuming your partner won't do it and assuming your partner can do it when they want to. In the former, you don't have to think about your own interest. You are a team. You can do something because it is good for the joint relationship. In the latter, you have to think of your own interest. You are temporarily together and each of you is trying to get as much as you can out of the relationship for yourself. Taking actions that are good for the joint relationship but will not pay you back in the short term does not make sense.

by stefan06 4 days ago

Everything is temporary. It sounds like you're just trying to get around this uncomfortable idea that yes, they can leave you at any time. Thats how the world works. And even so, all relationships end at some point. I disagree with everything else you said based on your intitial thesis.

by Nkessler 4 days ago

That's how the world is working* Previously, there was less acceptance of divorce. You could assume that the relationship would last and it was a reasonable assumption that was probably true.

by stefan06 4 days ago

"Previously"? You mean it was illegal? Women were literally not legally allowed to divorce which is why poisoning killing a spouse was much more common. We have the entirety of history to prove it.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Really? Because my grandma is alive and my grandpa is dead. Still temporary. You simply need to accept it and deal with it. Every relationship ends.

by Nkessler 4 days ago

There is a huge difference between your grandfather dying sooner than your grandmother and passing on his inheritance to her and your grandfather leaving your grandmother when she is no longer useful in cleaning the house, preparing meals and looking after the children

by stefan06 4 days ago

Except the reality of the situation is they can do it whenever they want to. Again, this is part of the agreement.

by Livid-Pilot 4 days ago

The mere possibility of leaving a relationship is not so important here. The assumption that the relationship will last (even if untrue) changes your approach and action

by stefan06 4 days ago

I think I get what you're trying to get at. Of course you can leave and someone can leave you for any reason. But going into it with the mindset that you ARE going to leave isn't fair to the other person

by Maxie02 4 days ago

Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think this is an unpopular opinion. There are also two views here that can easily get conflated: 1) acknowledging that if something goes horribly wrong it's okay to leave and that a relationship might not be the last one in your life but you're planning to stick around and see 2) planning in advance that your relationship has an expiration date 1 sounds perfectly fine to me, with 2 I completely disagree and I think not a lot of people think like that.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

It's pretty common for people to grow tired of one another. It could even be called normal.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Bit it's unhealthy to get into a relationship with a mindset of it being temporary, rather than just knowing it might not last if things don't work out.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Personally, I have a mindset that it could work for the rest of my days, but to remember that it's more likely to have a limited shelf life.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Yeah, if you view a marriage as a temporary means of convenience that's obviously bad. But that's just one example! When I was younger there were times I'd date someone with no expectation that it'd go anywhere. I'm single. She's single. We get along and have fun doing things together. And that's it. I understand that many conservative types view practically all dating as marriage auditions. And that's fine. They can do their thing. But being casual when you're young and still good looking is probably something most people should do.

by georgettecassin 4 days ago

I mean, is it untrue? Practically every relationship you will have across your life is going to be temporary, so why clutch pearls and act like this isn't the case? There's a plethora of ways that treating relationships as temporary can actually be healthier than trying to stick with people who are bad for you, two sides of the same coin. People who two-time and take advantage of others are always going to find ways to justify their greed to themselves and the world, I just think this has become the most socially acceptable way to say this even though I agree with another aspect of the idea.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Just let your bf/gf know it's probably going to be temporary, so they can leave and not have their time wasted by you.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Everything is temporary and should be viewed as such.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

My relationship with my dog is not temporary. It won't leave me as soon as I feed him. I can assume that it wouldn't leave me even if I couldn't feed him

by stefan06 4 days ago

Neither you nor your dog are eternal. Your house is not eternal, your country is not eternal, oceans and mountains are not eternal, the very Earth itself is not eternal.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

This deadass makes sm sense

by donaldromaguera 4 days ago

What? I dont buy gifts or do things for the one i am with because i think we can never break up. I do it because i love them and i want to show it. If we break up one day then we break up. Thats life. Im not going to be like "why did i buy her food all those times or give her gifts" lmfao I still trust some of my exs. Trust wasnt the reason we broke up. Either way though i want somekne thay close to me to be happy and if one day that happiness is not being with me anymore then i understand. Thats life.

by Pale-Ad 4 days ago

You really like to take risks, don't you? You spend money on something, don't even have the assumption that it will last and have no problem with it? I hope your partner at least gives you something of herself

by stefan06 4 days ago

Every relationship is temporary. Friends, family, pets, coworkers. Even wonderful ones are since people die. People grow apart and people move. It's why you should cherish the good ones in the present.

by Pstanton 4 days ago

Relationships with pets are not temporary. You can reasonably assume that your dog won't leave you as soon as it eats your food and you will probably be right

by stefan06 4 days ago

I was thinking more about how most people outlive their pets.

by Pstanton 4 days ago

Nothing is permanent, people/pets grow change and die. It's all a part of life, finding a partner who you enjoy being around are attracted to and brings out the best in you can be great. Sometimes it can last a persons whole life, sometimes it doesn't we can't know for sure how it will end up uncertainty and change are unavoidable and life's a lot better when you accept that and do the best to enjoy things and people that are meaningful to you imo

by Anonymous 4 days ago

I do think there's a certain vibe set by assuming a relationship will end... almost takes the element of hope out of the game. I definitely think, however, that the "toxic" label is overused these days and makes things that are merely "not ideal" sound far too ominous.

by palma31 4 days ago

I agree, i wouldn't start a relationship with someone who sees relationships as something temporary, that's a relationship doomed to fail, and thus a waste of your time.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

we are all going to die everything is temporary. the rest of your life is temporary be it 6 months or 60 years or 60 minutes. nothing is permanent nothing is forever not even the stars or the earth. temporary is all you got and all you can give and you never know how long thats going to be. cant do anything to change that so dont worry about it.

by More_Special7644 4 days ago

eh i think viewing anything as permanent is toxic. i don't need to delude myself about it to treat others well or to love people. and at any rate, i want my loved ones to stay because they care for me and choose me every day, not out of some sense of obligation due to a choice they made years ago. and i have to work to make that choice make sense for them, and so do they for me. im sorry to break it to you, but love is conditional.

by Elegant_Feeling 4 days ago

At 32, I've come to realize that almost all relationships are temporary. It is so incredibly rare nowadays for them to last-if it was ever common in the first place. It's too easy to find other options, nobody respects other people's relationships, and the social costs of being an asshole are basically nil nowadays.

by Gebert 4 days ago

Your life path is your own. You can share a journey together with someone, but if their path separates from yours, then you have to accept it and carry on.

by Prestonbalistre 4 days ago

I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks they have to be with me forever but with someone who wants to be with me right now, tomorrow and the day after. Every day I decide that I want to be with him You can't, for example, clean the house, cook meals and look after the children when your husband is working. After all, he can get a divorce at any time. Well, that is what's happening all of the time to married couples isn't it? People dump their 40+ y/o stay at home spouses for a 20 y/o hot piece of meat. That's why it is important to stay financially independant at all times, you never know what the future holds and a marriage doesn't prevent you. You also can't buy your fiancée gifts and pay on dates. She can, after all, break up with you at any time Do you just buy gifts as a bribe that you partner stays with you? I (F) pay for most of the dates, because I can and because I want to. counter unpopular opinions: longterm relashionships that are based upon free will are stronger than those who stay together because "it's a sin" to get a divorce eventhough they're unhappy. Some of those people are the one killing their partner rather than just leaving

by Cturner 4 days ago

bad break up dude?

by Anonymous 4 days ago

If your veiw of a relationship is strictly asset contributions then yes. The scales will always be tipped in one direction depending on how you value things. To say you can walk away at any time is technically true but ideally your blending your lives so much that your working as one unit. This blending makes stability because, while technically you could devoice at anytime it would be a huge life changing decision and if life's going well nobody wants to change things. Also if kids get involved, you're going to have some sort of relationship even if it's just financial because you go full no contact

by Strange_Discussion66 4 days ago

I treated my relationship as permanent. Here I am, mostly loveless. If I had been prepared for breaking up, it would have been better.

by zackery33 4 days ago

Yeah, but thinking a relationship is permanent and finding out the hard way that it isn't is devastating.

by Level-Tennis 4 days ago

Welcome to the 2024, #metoo and feminism era. That's how it be. Ohh and don't forget that women chase tingles

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Non marital relationships are, statistically, very likely to be temporary and should be viewed through that lens. Marital relationships, outside of the US, are very likely to last an entire lifetime and definitely should be viewed in that context.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

In my country, more than 35% of marriages end in divorce and this rate is increasing all the time

by stefan06 4 days ago

Still means a very large majority remain for life. What country is that, as a matter of interest? In my country Ireland, it is 15%.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Thinking ahead is the smart thing to do. Love clouds judgement. If one person does not receive what they bargained for they should leave instead of resenting this person. I think divorce should be easier to get and marriage harder. I think unorthodox unions should be recognized. It's not toxic

by Edwinastroman 4 days ago

The freedom and comfort to pursue your own happiness and/or safety is never toxic.

by marianamohr 4 days ago