The notion you need to repay your parents for raising you is outdated and needs to be put to rest. amirite?

For some people, it's just natural to love your parents and want to be good to them. It's not paying back. Of course, one could have had absolutely horrible parents, and that's a different story.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

I would like to think that, when my kids are grown and I've become an old man, that they will want to take care of me. Are they obligated? No. Would a good person with a loving family want their family to be comfortable in old age… I should hope so.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

What the OP is saying is that it's your job to take care of yourself. That includes saving for retirement and elder care in old age.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

What about after 18 years and your parents are still taking care of you? Are you obligated to take care of them afterwards?

by Anonymous 7 months ago

I think that the OP would argue that in that case, you're obligated to try to become financially independent.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Yep

by Anonymous 7 months ago

In the old world, parents raised children and then the children took care of their parents in old age. Frankly we should all be grateful that isn't forced on most of us anymore. With that in mind, any half decent parent deserves respect and gratitude at a minimum. If your parents were awful and mistreated you a bunch? Okay, screw em.

by Relevant_Word 7 months ago

How are parents paid back? I don't understand the concept. I had parents and I have children. I didn't give my parents anything and don't expect my kids to give me anything.

by Just-Maintenance 7 months ago

They take care of them in their old age. It's not paying them back it's just something families do

by savionwolff 7 months ago

This is a more common sentiment amongst Asian culture, called filial piety, where essentially, you respect and defer to your parents judgement, sacrifice a lot in your adult life to care for your parents as they get older, etc. My friends (filipino) have talked about giving their entire first paycheck to their parents as a way to thank them for raising them and a lot of my friends (Korean, Viet, Cambodian, other asians) have also discussed very strong ties to family.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Yes, this! I expect payback in them living on their own someday and doing at least okay/fine in the world.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

I mean, mine demanded literal payment for it. OP is obviously not talking about every parent and kid?

by Soft-Inspector 7 months ago

You did give back, the way it should be - pay it forward. Honor the work your parents put into raising you by doing a good job raising the next generation.

by EngineeringFresh4927 7 months ago

Same, I'm really confused here…

by Anonymous 7 months ago

My parents literally expect me to pay for stuff. They rinse me for money and if I protest or ask them to pay me back they'll start talking about all the money they spent on me as a kid and tell me how ungrateful I am. They also expect me to happily accept them treating me, my home and my partner disrespectfully since they "made so many sacrifices" for me.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

That's terrible. I'm sorry your parents are like that. I don't think anyone owes their parents anything.

by Just-Maintenance 7 months ago

Yeah my partner's parents are like that. They even offered to pay our IVF costs, which was a LOT. Makes me really ashamed that he doesn't get the same care and love from my side of the family.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Umm are adult or still a child? If you are an adult living with your parents then you absolutely should be paying a portion of the bills

by Powerful_Spite5363 7 months ago

They said "my home", so I assume they live somewhere else with their partner.

by Even-Ad 7 months ago

It's pretty common for parents to argue that everyone needs to have children even if we don't want them because "who will take care of you when you're dying" or "you'll die alone." In a lot of cultures it's explicitly expected to care for your parents in retirement. These are extremely common ideas

by Worth-Button 7 months ago

So you're saying that you pay your parents back by looking after them in old age? I don't think this is as common in North America. I have no expectations of my kids looking after me in old age.

by Just-Maintenance 7 months ago

In the Midwest most adult children help out their parents when they are elderly. Sometimes financially but more often by picking up groceries or prescriptions, taking them to the occasional appointment, etc. I don't believe it's excessive and the parents don't take advantage. I hope you never need help.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

It is very common in North America because most people don't have the money to pay for long-term care, assisted living, caregivers, etc. That's not covered by insurance or Medicare/Medicaid unless you are destitute.

by Jettiekohler 7 months ago

I didn't say I do lol. I'm saying it's a very common sentiment/expectation.

by Worth-Button 7 months ago

Yeah it's really not a thing anyone actually thinks about. I've heard narcissists say things like this but never a normal person.

by No-Interview-5322 7 months ago

I'm guessing OP can't be arsed to look after them as they get older

by Anonymous 7 months ago

End of life caregiving.

by Jettiekohler 7 months ago

Some parents expect their adult children to be like a retirement fund for them.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

End of life caregiving and making decisions for them if they become unable to do so.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

I think they're referring to parents who expect back rent when their kid moves out, or want extreme favors "because I raised you" Often parents who lord "you owe me because I raised you" over their adult children's heads are manipulative or socially abusive in some way.

by Icy_Form_9090 7 months ago

Children owe their parents nothing, parents owe their children everything.

by Powerful_Library5058 7 months ago

Absolutely perfectly put

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Do you have children?

by ConsiderationLong178 7 months ago

Okay, I feel that's a BIT extreme, but it captures the message well. At the bare minimum children owe their parents respect if the parents are good to them

by Anonymous 7 months ago

That's a basic facet of all interpersonal relationships, not something unique to parents and children.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

One might argue you love them because of what they did for you.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

It's a little uncomfortable really. Like my real friends, we don't keep track of who paid for what when we go out. It's not about the transaction, it's about the company.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

But that's also a transactional relationship, right? You're with them because you enjoy their company. They're with you because they enjoy your company.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Jesus, if that's what makes you feel better about yourself, sure.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Huh?

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Eh, not really..transactional relationships are more tangible (the guy who cuts my hair regularly expects me to pay him) whereas friends and family relationships have no clear outcome besides forming an emotional bond. Usually. Lol.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

You can frame it that way if you want but it just seems quite a sad way to see the world

by Anonymous 7 months ago

You had me on the first half, I'm not going to lie,

by cristlexie 7 months ago

Baby don't hurt me...

by Anonymous 7 months ago

They will never understand. Ignore them, keep moving, take everything with a grain of salt, especially in online environments.

by NoSociety 7 months ago

Yeah this is what people mean if they talk about some concept of paying your parents back. It means there is a bond that's created if they raised you well that means you now want to look after them. Only the terminally online think everyone's on about getting an invoice for their 18th birthday.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Exactly, I was going to write pretty much the same thing just didn't want to deal with the arguments around what being "raised right" means.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Did you read O.P.'s line about "pay them back because you love them"? Not everyone who's criticizing parents asking for "payment"is this ludicrous straw-man you painted.

by Audreyfeil 7 months ago

Yeah what I'm saying is that these functionally mean the same thing.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

They should be paying me more for putting me in this position. I never asked to be here.

by lamont21 7 months ago

The idea here is that they shouldn't be saving so that you can inherit their money: they should be saving so that they can afford a comfortable retirement and elder care in their old age.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

the argument though is that they're the ones who put you in the vulnerable state in the first place by creating you. raising someone well is the bare minimum requirement of a parent.

by Responsible-Swim 7 months ago

People should be pat on the back for having a job and paying rent though.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

All my parents expected out of me was for me to finish my education and be successful. They did a lot for me. Me helping and taking care of them in all ways I can comes from my heart. I hope in my next life they're my parents again.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Literal payment for raising me? No. Repaying their love and kindness with love and kindness as they age? Yes.

by granville93 7 months ago

I can't help but get an "awkward power move" vibe from the whole phenomenon of parents having children and "doing a lot for them" only to be able to argue that they have a say in how the children choose to live their lives. "We did a lot for you, you know". What a shocker given the fact you yourself made the choice of having the child! It didn't drop down on you out of nowhere.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Parents expecting children to repay them hasn't really become a thing now though or has it?

by Salt-Nerve 7 months ago

I have to pay them back for mentally torturing me even though I didn't ask to be born? No thanks

by Anonymous 7 months ago

I don't get what you mean? What do you mean by pay back? Pay back what? 😂

by Anonymous 7 months ago

I've never heard anyone say parents need to be repaid for raising a child until now 🤷‍♂️

by Able_Respond 7 months ago

Bro has never heard of Asia

by Anonymous 7 months ago

What was the story about??

by Able_Respond 7 months ago

It was one of Terry Pratchett's Dwarf parents give a bill to their child.

by ContestQuick 7 months ago

I'm not American, but thanks for explaining.

by Able_Respond 7 months ago

I assumed since most people on here are American, but duly noted and corrected.

by Audreyfeil 7 months ago

How long is the bank of Mum and Dad open for interest free loans.

by waelchistephani 7 months ago

Gotta pay it forward. If I spend all my resources paying for my parents retirement because they didn't save enough or plan very well, how will I raise the next generation, save for my own retirement? And yet, there are places where the law actually disagrees with you... Ontario Canada, section 32 of the family law act: Obligation of child to support parent 32 Every child who is not a minor has an obligation to provide support, in accordance with need, for his or her parent who has cared for or provided support for the child, to the extent that the child is capable of doing so. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 32.

by New_Midnight 7 months ago

completely agreed.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Yeah I don't know what repaying means, but if my mom needs help paying for something that she wants to enjoy then yeah I'll help her.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Maybe, but it's a great feeling to be able to provide for them

by SpotNational 7 months ago

How exactly do you mean "repay"? Like, monetarily? Because yeah, that's questionable.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Depends on how you look at it. If your parent only gave you the bare essentials, or did they go above and beyond? For example: I took my child on multiple wild and expensive vacations, made sure they had the latest tech, wanted for nothing. That is who I am. I also supported the child to age 26+ including losing a vehicle to their negligence (which I am still paying for in increased insurance premiums).

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Children pay back their parents by being decent human beings and good parents if/when the time comes. I've never heard of this notion of which you speak.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

this narrative is so prevalent within the asian community. my parents are vietnamese and this notion has been reinforced to me since childhood

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Wait, people are... making their kids pay them back? I've got a kid (18), he... doesn't owe me a damn thing. I just want him to pull his head out of his ass Like ... there's people who actually make their kid's pay them like....money?

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Yes.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

I help my mother (and Dad when he was still with us) because I could. They tried their best raising me and were good grandparents. I enjoy being able to do the handyman jobs around Moms house so she doesn't have to pay someone, I taught Mom to handle money for the first time (that had been Dads job). It's not because I feel some obligation to do it, I want to. If they had needed my money I would have helped. They were good people though. If people were cruel or abusive there is no shame in just leaving them to their own devices.

by Curtisprohaska 7 months ago

Outdated? Was this a thing? If so, it was stupid.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Debatable. If they were decent parents I definitely think you should be there for them as they grow old. Not saying you have to do everything for them or give them whatever they want because they kept you alive.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

This isn't something I've heated about beyond the occasional narcissistic parent, hell I'm 21 and still rely entirly on my parents due to health and they expect nothing in return other than the effort to get better and help with what little I can. Is this a more common idea in the states?

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Hello Edgy

by Best-Forever-2965 7 months ago

100%. My mother was a cold, neglectful woman who put her own needs first, and only provided basic necessities, and for the last 40 years she's had all of us travelling to see her, waiting on her, driving her everywhere, cooking for her, etc. I've MORE than paid back that selfish, self-centered woman, and I certainly don't "owe" her any more at this point. I won't miss her.

by Lumpy_Mastodon 7 months ago

Huh? Where is that the norm. I'm almost 55yo and I've NEVER heard this as any kind of expectation

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Mate, they chose to bring me here. i didn't ask for it.

by Careless-Falcon 7 months ago

I told my kids if I am ever unable to take care of myself(in my 40s) when I get older, just to drop me off at a nursing home and don't look back. I don't want my kids to burden themselves with trying to take care of me.

by Substantial_Map 7 months ago

That last sentence is key. My parents are not in my life because they squirted me out. They're in my life because they are excellent parents and excellent people and I can trust them. And I, will, voluntarily be helping them in their old age. The line I won't cross though? Having kids of my own so they can have grandkids. I'm not making that level of extreme sacrifice for their satisfaction. I would only do that if I wanted it and I absolutely do not

by linda21 7 months ago

I'm happy to help my parents if they need it because they're my family and we love and care for each other, just as I would help my siblings or any of them would help me.

by Lysannebotsford 7 months ago

Thank you for the daily reminder that we're all allowed to be as selfish as we want to be. Strong familial bonds, who needs them? Just dump the 'rents in a nursing home and party on!

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Wait, who actually repays their parents for raising them? Parents probably expect their kids to "repay" them by raising their own kids and giving them grandchildren, lol.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Is this common? I've never hued of anyone needing to repay there parents for having them. Seems like a wild opinion of something that's probably pretty limited in scope. Are u or someone u know paying back the parents for raising them?

by Spiritual_Match 7 months ago

This notion doesn't exist in my culture, thankfully. But here's a neat thing: you don't have to follow other people's notions. You can just, not do it.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

A kid can't agree to pay for goods and services, what contract can they sign?

by Anonymous 7 months ago

I think it should be more like "being thankful and giving part of your time and earns out of gratitude and love". It's not about owing, but about being thankful.

by Adventurous-Cup 7 months ago

I never feel like it's a repayment, it'd be impossible to pay my folks back. It's more than when people are good to me, I want to be good to them in return, parents, friends and strangers alike.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Very Western this.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Where I don't know anyone who bases this solely on being raised by their parents everyone in my circle would absolutely give their parents anything that they wanted. Including myself.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

Not an unpopular opinion, I would say 99% of people think this way.

by Anonymous 7 months ago

You said to call you edgy and I shall oblige. Specifically, if your parents raised you kindly and well, I guess no one is making you repay them or whatever but yes you absolutely do owe them appreciation for committing their lives to raising you to the best of their ability.

by Anonymous 7 months ago